Marc Silver's Information Page!
401 REASONS WHY MY WIFE LOVES ME!
1. When I take her to dinner, she gets free food.
2. I give exceptional back rubs.
3. I gave her a Bridal Shower.
4. I'm a good listener.
5. I made her veil for the wedding including 100 hand sewn peals.
6. I own my own house.
7. I built the Chulpah for our wedding.
8. I have no communicable diseases.
9. She actually enjoys being with me.
10. I always resist the urge to poke sharp objects into my ears.
11. I didn't shoot J. R.
12. I am persistent.
13. As of yet, I have never overlooked the importance of regular and continuous breathing.
14. I can usually eat spaghetti without getting sauce on my shirt, most of the time.
15. I have never pulled the football away from Charlie Brown.
16. My shoelaces are hardly ever untied.
17. I only tie her up and spank her when she asks me to.
18. The rumors of my involvement in the Chernobyl crisis are mostly unfounded.
19. I can, at the touch of a button, have a pizza delivered to me in 30 minutes or less.
20. Cats seem to like me.
21. I don't cry over spilled milk.
22. I give foot rubs when asked.
23. I have never locked myself in a car.
24. I would never smoke nor drink while pregnant. In fact, I would never smoke and can't get pregnant.
25. I'm really a nice person once you get to know me.
26. Butterflies occasionally land on me.
27. I am an accomplished sports - avoider.
28. She didn't want to be known throughout history as "the one who let *Marc Silver* get away"?
29. I like to fly kites.
30. I am not an alien from another dimension bent on world domination.
31. I can sympathize with you about how sometimes the world can be unfair.
32. I seldom pick a fight with inanimate objects.
33. I believe that every person has the potential to become great.
34. I played no part in the Cuban Missile Crisis.
35. I feel that watching a good movie is an excellent way to spend time.
36. I can't bore her by talking about my stamp collection. I don't have one.
37. I don't care for the work of Vincent van Gogh.
38. I always remember to use pixie dust when attempting to jump out of a window and fly.
39. I change my toothbrush when the blue color-bristles go away.
40. I feel that a relationship can only exist with good communication.
41. I would never wear black shoes with a blue suit.
42. I don't speak over 120 languages.
43. She has always wanted a man like me.
44. I enjoy brushing her hair.
45. I can't recite either Shakespeare or Dr. Suess from memory.
46. I'm not *that* much of an eyesore.
47. I take a bath at least once a day.
48. I have not been proven to cause holes in the ozone Layer.
49. I'm housebroken.
50. I have been told that I'm very good in bed.
51. Elvis is dead and Bob Saget is married; who's left?
52. As hard as it may to believe, I have never lost a pole-vault competition. I've never entered one either.
53. I have never hit a silver-medalist in the knee with a club.
54. I believe Love is more than a state of mind.
55. I don't wear white shoes after Labor Day.
56. I don't turn into a werewolf during a full moon.
57. I seldom eat crackers in bed.
58. I am usually able to find Waldo.
59. I am raging heterosexual.
60. I have never committed a violent crime.
61. I do not make fun of Boutros-Boutros Ghali's name unnecessarily.
62. My Pooh Bear loves her.
63. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Therefore, you will eventually have to go out with me.
64. She hasn't had a sufficient dose of strangeness in her life.
65. I am excellent at compiling purposeless lists.
66. The possibility exists that I am more fun in person.
67. I have never gotten into a tug-of-war with a marine platoon.
68. I am better conversationalist than Generalissimo Francisco Franco.
69. I have never landed a light aircraft on the Whitehouse lawn.
70. Nor have I landed a light aircraft near the Kremlin.
71. I am more popular with feminists than Rush Limbaugh.
72. I believe the rabbit should be given some Trix.
73. I hardly ever slurp when drinking soup.
74. I have never misused Flubber in order to win a basketball game.
75. I have never opened fire on a group of unarmed people.
76. When I wash my socks, I don't leave them hanging in the bathroom after they're dry.
77. If after the first year of marriage, if she's dissatisfied, I promise to give a full refund.
78. My name does not appear in a Judith Krantz novel.
79. Nobody can heat up a TV dinner better than I can.
80. I don't use "pet names" for body parts.
81. I do my own laundry.
82. So far, I have managed to not decapitate myself.
83. The voices in my head told me Diana would love me forever.
84. My toothpaste has been shown to be an effective decay preventive dentifrice that can be of significant value when used as directed in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.
85. I do not drink and drive. (At least not alcohol. Dr. Pepper, maybe.)
86. She'll never get a collect call from me.
87. It will be a life-enriching experience.
88. I have never been captain of, nor been aboard the Exxon Valdez.
89. My psychic friends said she would love me.
90. There is a refreshing absence of monsters under my bed lately.
91. I have never caused a bunny to tear the buttons off his jacket while he was trying to escape from my garden.
92. She's probably heard every line in the book . . . So she settled for me!
93. I would give up my appendix for her.
94. My blender has never had a frog in it.
95. There's no compelling reason why she shouldn't marry me.
96. No tyrannical system of government is named after me.
97. I can change a flat tire.
98. I have never passed out on any world leader's front lawn.
99. I'm smarter than the average bear.
100. I promise to spend very little of our time together staring at other women.
101. Just because!
102. I recycle my aluminum cans.
103. I am eager to to share my hopes, dreams, and wishes with her.
104. I can put a flea collar on a cat without getting bitten.
105. I seldom get my teeth stuck together when eating a Jolly Rancher candy.
106. I'm getting fewer and fewer "ice-cream headaches".
107. I am trustworthy. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
108. I am loyal. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
109. I am helpful. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
110. I am friendly. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
111. I am very tall. She like that!
112. I had no part in the extinction of either the Dodo or the passenger pigeon.
113. I have never attempted to dance naked in a Jerry Lewis telethon.
114. I have never yelled "Fire!" in a crowded theater.
115. I am courteous. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
116. I am kind. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
117. I am obedient. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
118. I am cheerful. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws) 1
19. I'm tax deductible.
120. I have never tried to convince Henny-Penny that the sky is falling.
121. I understand the difference between their, there, and they're.
122. I never fly an airplane in conditions under VFR minimums. Of course I don't know how to fly!
123. I am thrifty. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
124. I am brave. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
125. I am clean. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
126. I am reverent. (Re: Boy Scout Handbook - Scout Laws)
127. I was nowhere near the grassy knoll on November 3rd, 1963.
128. I think Nancy Drew is a better detective than the Hardy Boys.
129. Resistance is futile. She will be assimilated.
130. I'll supply her with chocolate chip cookies.
131. I have never gambled away a girlfriend in Las Vegas.
132. I have no plans to give the Pope a wedgie.
133. I have never been a telemarketer.
134. I have never put a red shirt in with the whites.
135. I am faster than an unfired bullet.
136. I am more powerful than the typical HO scale locomotive.
137. I can leap tall house cats in a single bound.
138. I am self-employed.
139. I have never been involved in the shipment of plutonium to Germany.
140. I check the expiration date on my milk cartons.
141. You know in your heart that it's the right thing to do.
142. I have never caused a traffic accident.
143. I usually remember to take the shell off an egg before eating it.
144. Once I got to the Tootsie-roll center of a Tootsie-Pop without biting.
145. We are of opposite genders in the same species.
146. Extensive research has proven that I am, indeed, a carbon based life form.
147. I have never smuggled tinkertoys onto an international flight.
148. I know all the words to the "Gilligan's Island" theme, but won't sing it unless asked.
149. I can get it my way at Burger King.
150. I am hardly ever referred to as 'infernal'.
151. I use my seat belt.
152. I'm no worse than most other men, and distinctly better than some.
153. She makes me smile.
154. It might make her smile too.
155. I subscribe to the theory that the world is round.
156. I know the capital of New York.
157. I usually answer my pages in 30 minutes or less.
158. I have a pulse.
159. I love animals but only platonically.
160. I change the batteries in my smoke alarms at least yearly.
161. I make a concentrated effort not to spit when I talk.
162. I support public radio.
163. I support the Girl Scouts by buying cookies.
164. I stopped shaving my legs when I graduated college.
165. Visa likes me enough to give me a gold card.
166. I rarely try to use expired coupons at the grocery store.
167. I have never found rude shapes in clouds.
168. I seldom keep a library book past the due date.
169. As yet, I have not been indicted in the S&L Crisis, Whitewater, or Travelgate.
170. I always drown my campfires before leaving the campsite.
171. Rarely do I take candy from strangers.
172. I never ring doorbells and run away before they answer.
173. I have been known to give to the United Way.
174. Rarely do I eat paste between meals.
175. I have not wet my bed for at least two year now.
176. I keep my fingernails clean and trimmed.
177. I seldom pick up hitchhikers.
178. I'm Jewish.
179. I recognize Xenon as a noble gas.
180. There are few things in life more important than friends.
181. I know how to perform the Heimlich Maneuver.
182. I have never been used as a human sacrifice.
183. I close the cover before striking a safety match.
184. I have never stopped to think and forgotten to start again.
185. I am cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
186. All my appliances are UL listed.
187. No one has ever mistaken me for Manuel Noriega.
188. The part I played in the bombing of Hiroshima is largely exaggerated.
189. I like to cuddle.
190. I give her free computer consulting.
191. I practice "safe FAX" by always using a cover sheet.
192. I have read and understand copyright laws.
193. I'm growing older, but not growing up.
194. I never pile up old magazines or newspapers where they could be a fire hazard.
195. I can tie both a clove hitch and a square knot.
196. Never have I failed a quest given me by a King.
197. I rarely stand on a swivel chair to reach a high shelf.
198. The police have never used me in a line up.
199. I was not directly responsible for the Million-Man March.
200. I'm thinner than Elvis.
201. I watch closely when stepping onto an escalator.
202. It is increasingly rare that I place fake artifacts in an archeological dig.
203. I have not yet capsized a canoe.
204. I have never collapsed while running the Boston Marathon.
205. I am very nearly fully functional.
206. I have a current safety inspection on my car.
207. I try to help the sane adjust to reality.
208. I am not responsible for the misuse of gravity.
209. Math and alcohol don't mix, so I never drink and derive.
210. I "Just Say No" to drugs.
211. I practice random kindness.
212. I know the best places to touch a woman.
213. I'm a Pepper(tm)!
214. I earned a good conduct ribbon in military school.
215. I am not now or have ever been anorexic.
216. The term "mundane" has seldom been used to describe me.
217. A cheap thrill is still a thrill.
218. There are never enough hugs in her life.
219. I am understanding.
220. I'm an accomplice at sneaking snacks into movies.
221. I always make sure I have sufficient personal flotation devices aboard any pleasure boat I am using.
222. The God's have spun our threads of life with many intertwining.
223. Occasionally, I have been known to have a clue.
224. I make sure my brain is in gear before speaking.
225. I am flexible.
226. I have smoke detectors in my home.
227. If she tries it, she'll *like* it.
228. When getting off an elevator, I don't push all the buttons so everyone has to stop at every floor
229. I have never attempted to pull a rabbit out of a hat and gotten a lion instead.
230. Rarely have I torn the tags off my pillows.
231. I am older than I look.
232. I have read several books.
233. I have never been fired by George Steinbrenner.
234. I'm not easy, but we can discuss it.
235. I don't *just* want to grope her body.
236. I never dispose of alkaline batteries in a fire.
237. I'm big on Little Rock.
238. I will never have you kidnapped.
239. There is no proof of my being involved in Ronald Regan's rise to power.
240. Take me now. There may never be a better opportunity.
241. Rarely do flashing lights mesmerize me for more than 10 minutes.
242. I know hypnosis.
243. When choosing between two evils, I always try to pick the one I've never done.
244. I lift heavy objects with a straight back and my knees bent.
245. I have been able to correctly answer 4 of 5 questions on the Mc Donald's Disney trivia Challenge.
246. Thor thinks she should.
247. Zeus agrees with Thor.
248. I seldom turn the volume on my stereo up sufficiently to shake the neighbor's walls.
249. I have never been responsible for starting a war, or even a border dispute.
250. I do not suffer from lockjaw (foot-in-mouth disease is another matter).
251. I have never been mistaken for Christy Brinkley.
252. I have never played a mean trick on Smokey Bear.
253. She probably never spent time with anyone who rated a full page in the "National Enquirer". (Didn't get it, but deserve it!)
254. Unlike Henry VIII, I have never had any of my wives beheaded. Though I've considered it.
255. I haven't recorded a Greatest Hits album with Lawrence Welk.
256. I only seem kinky the first time.
257. I have never made an obscene phone call to Hillary Clinton (or Bill, either).
258. Not even once have I scraped my vegetables onto my grandmother's plate when no one was looking.
259. I will administer chocolate whenever she feels the need.
260. As far as I know, I don't snore loud. (At least, I've never heard myself doing so).
261. She needs to take a walk on the wild side.
262. I'm an excellent cook.
263. I like and understand Shakespeare?
264. I rarely stare directly at the sun.
265. Biological imperatives override cultural and intellectual considerations.
266. I'm willing to supply cold white wine, warm back rubs, and hot bubble baths. In other words: all temperature cheer.
267. I hated Barney before it was cool.
268. I'm the best there is at what I do.
269. I only pursue the best. Diana's the BEST!
270. I have two cute dogs.
271. I'll try anything 4 or 5 times. It may be an acquired taste.
272. I have never been involved in a Viking raiding party.
273. I'm not really obnoxious, just tact-impaired.
274. I don't play records backwards and pretend to hear satanic messages.
275. I still listen to records.
276. I have an imagination, and I don't mind using it.
277. I have never been responsible for, nor participated in, an arranged marriage.
278. I occasionally stumble across the truth.
279. I have never used a motor vehicle to create an additional opening in a building
280. I have dropped buttered bread and had it land butter-side-up on the floor.
281. My face has never appeared on a FBI wanted poster.
282. I have never flashed a roomful of people.
283. I believe in Dogbert's New Ruling Class.
284. I make my bed at least 50% of the time.
285. I don't let friends drive drunk.
286. I have both the Sonoma Express and the Entertainment '98 discount cards.
287. I rarely employ multi-megaton warheads for insect control.
288. She intrigues me.
289. I only *look* innocent.
290. I have never gone trolling for opossums.
291. When I jump into the air, I always remember to come down again.
292. I'm nobody's fool.
293. I am new and improved. Well at least improved!
294. I have never exceeded the speed limit by more than 4 times.
295. I occasionally practice senseless acts of beauty.
296. I have never put sugar in a car's gas tank.
297. I respect her in the morning.
298. I have never stuffed a ballot box.
299. I can be easily entertained for hours by making love.
300. I have scanned my PC for viruses.
301. I am a recovering celibate.
302. I actually own a fine art gallery.
303. I endeavor to eschew obfuscation when feasible.
304. I rarely black out for more than a few seconds
305. I try not to make a habit out of wrecking marriages.
306. I try to never take myself too seriously.
307. I never met a piece of chocolate I didn't like.
308. I can go from 0 to amorous in less than 2 seconds.
309. I usually remember to wear shoes.
310. I have never stepped in a bear trap.
311. I have very little trouble remembering where I live.
312. There is seldom any doubt that I am human.
313. Some people have children to buy toys. I feel it's cheaper and more dignified to cut out the middleman and buy toys for myself.
314. I yield to temptation.
315. I attempt to remain sentimental at all times.
316. I know the difference between a bumblebee and a honeybee.
317. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
318. I'm all-natural, no artificial colors or flavors.
319. I have never tried to out-stubborn a cat.
320. I watch pornography for the intellectual stimulation.
321. I am almost always on time.
322. I drive an American-made vehicle.
323. I have never placed a bet with Pete Rose.
324. I am the culmination of millions of years of random mutations.
325. My passport is current.
326. I have never played leapfrog with a unicorn.
327. My HTML code passes the WebLint validity check.
328. I am not, nor have I ever been, an attorney.
329. I have had all my shots.
330. I didn't incite Che Gueverra to shack up with Evita Peron
331. I'm very unique.
332. I have never attempted to run down a skier with a powerboat.
333. My life is no more complicated than any cast member on Melrose Place.
334. I have impeccable taste in women.
335. I know the difference between a woofer, a midrange and a tweeter, and am capable of designing a completely viable speaker system
336. I did not mastermind Julius Caesar's death; that was Cassius.
337. Though this be madness, yet there's method in it.
338. I have never been responsible for causing an avalanche.
339. I believe Audio is an Art form.
340. I seldom ask a woman to remove her clothes in public.
341. I always proofread carefully to see if I any words out.
342. My Rolling Stones albums have no moss on them.
343. I've considered suicide by sexual overdose but as yet am unsuccessful.
344. It's been over a year since I last got my neck tangled in a telephone cord
345. I have never poured soap into a swimming pool or fountain.
346. I am open and honest in my relationships.
347. I have never been struck by lightning while simultaneously being hit by a falling meteorite
348. I'm user-friendly.
349. I have never resorted to cannibalism.
350. I have made mistakes, but I'm a stronger person because of it.
351. I have never pretended to be an Egyptian deity.
352. I often manage to sleep through the night.
353. I deny reality whenever possible.
354. I always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
355. I am sensitive.
356. Love is a state of mind I believe in.
357. I am not a totally unprincipled rake.
358. I have never tried to float a Volkswagen.
359. I never put off until tomorrow what I can put off indefinitely.
360. I've been told that I'm generous to a fault.
361. I can often hold up my end of a conversation.
362. It is extremely rare that I leave the house wearing one black and one blue sock.
363. I have my own toothbrush.
364. I can take a lickin' and keep on tickin'.
365. I have never played an accordion in public.
366. I can do many things that will make you crave being with me.
367. I have never exploited the tradition of mistletoe to kiss my aunt.
368. I was inspected by #15.
369. I have never bred a new species of fruit fly.
370. I have never molded an obscene Jell-O salad.
371. I'm emotionally available at least reasonably so considering I'm male.
372. Being in a minority, even a minority of one, does not make one insane.
373. The sources, which publicized my involvement in the Iran-Contra scandal, were unreliable
374. I snatch kisses, and vice-versa.
375. No virulent strains of Ebola are named after me
376. I am alive, occupying space, and exerting gravitational force.
377. I'm pretty good at logic problems.
378. Time spent in bed is not entirely dedicated to sleep.
379. I have not ever fallen off a mountain.
380. I refuse to play 'let's hide grandma's teeth'.
381. I own my own body, but I share.
382. This reason intentionally left blank.
383. I have no trouble committing my driver's license number to memory.
384. I see well in the day.
385. I have never fallen down a well.
386. I'm willing to share.
387. I ask for directions, both while driving and not.
388. I have all my own teeth.
389. I can cook vegetarian.
390. I'm an omnivore.
391. I know how to Bar-B-Que. Then again I am a man.
392. I love to garden.
393. I haven't had a driving citation in over ten years.
394. I have all my hair.
395. I have three bathrooms at home.
396. All the toilet seats are down.
397. I believe in romance.
398. I believe in psychiatric counseling.
399. I'm extremely patient.
400. She has fallen madly in lust with me, but just hasn't realized it yet.
401. I'm not bad looking.
What are his vital statistics?
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1044 Fourth Street, Santa Rosa, CA 95404
Phone/Fax 707-578-4434 or 800-450-HIFI
marcs@sonic.net
